I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
