If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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