Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
