We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
