there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
