Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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