Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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