we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
