This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
