I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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