So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
