Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
