we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
