I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
