i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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