nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Umm I'm too high to move.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
