Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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