he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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