dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
