he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
