so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
