Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
