I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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