you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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