I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
