We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
