i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
