Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Randomize
