Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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