Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
