I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
