laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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