i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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