u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
