So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
