when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
