So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
