Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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