I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
