You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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