guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
