She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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