This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
