Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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