I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
