I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
