I hope mine doesn't look like that
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Acid is not a monday night drug
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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