so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
