I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
