I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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