She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
