I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
