does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
