I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
