Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The best revenge is premature balding
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
This is the high leading the old right now
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
