Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
