were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
