i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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