We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
