U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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