I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
