I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
