youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
