i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
